Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
