Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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