Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
