She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
