they need to just BURY HIM!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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