Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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