The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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