I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
