he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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