I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
