xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They took my balls.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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