Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
