Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
