You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
birth control should be required to get into college
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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