i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
