Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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