You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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