"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
