Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
