I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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