His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
