i don't like sucking hair
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
