I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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