so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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