i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am spending my child support on dildos
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
