He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
