That's intense
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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