I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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