then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
