At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
