thus making me awesome and them whores
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
