I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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