Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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