please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
