to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
