I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
too bad you live with your parents still
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
