i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
