Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
