remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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