Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
