can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
