He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
