I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think a kid would responsible me up
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
