I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
