A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
