you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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