i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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