I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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