I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i've created a new STD.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
