youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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