I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa