coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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