So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha