Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.

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(954): View more from Florida

Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.

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(540): View more from Virginia

It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls

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(914): View more from New York

I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.

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(253): View more from Washington

I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.

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(949): View more from California

I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough

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