I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty