bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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