so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube