Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
