If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
