She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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