Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
