its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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