found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
