One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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