Your mouth is God's brothel.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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