The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
