I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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