I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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