I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
