im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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