So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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