FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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