Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
