Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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