can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
