he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
