He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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