i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
