As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
