So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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